Diane ~ intro to my tortured mind

So here goes ~after years of never feeling ‘normal’ , being bullied for being poor, etc,, not fitting in,,, even @ 6y/o Dxd with depression (severe!) & Rxd atarax & amytripiline >> even deeper depression & threatened suicide!!! (could this have a been antidepressant induced manic episode?) Adolescent/young adult drug & ETOH use (self medicating?) Lots ETOH until 41 y/o,,, constant depression & hypomanic, although Rxd gabapentin for chronic HAs (headaches) had ? slightly helped with those Sxs (since I now know it’s now sometimes used as a mood stabilizer) attempted suicide/almost successful 1st x, several more attempts ~> psych unit,,, now more stable – although flat, less emotion/feeling/caring on lithium, lamictal, brintellix & xanax; more over off lithium/lamictal (still on brintellix & xanax)for 12 days d/t insurance issues,,, irritable, angry, just NOT RIGHT FEELING!! ? hypomanic?,,, anyway enough for now,,, ttyl,,,