Diane ~ intro to my tortured mind

So here goes ~after years of never feeling ‘normal’ , being bullied for being poor, etc,, not fitting in,,, even @ 6y/o Dxd with depression (severe!) & Rxd atarax & amytripiline >> even deeper depression & threatened suicide!!! (could this have a been antidepressant induced manic episode?) Adolescent/young adult drug & ETOH use (self medicating?) Lots ETOH until 41 y/o,,, constant depression & hypomanic, although Rxd gabapentin for chronic HAs (headaches) had ? slightly helped with those Sxs (since I now know it’s now sometimes used as a mood stabilizer) attempted suicide/almost successful 1st x, several more attempts ~> psych unit,,, now more stable – although flat, less emotion/feeling/caring on lithium, lamictal, brintellix & xanax; more over off lithium/lamictal (still on brintellix & xanax)for 12 days d/t insurance issues,,, irritable, angry, just NOT RIGHT FEELING!! ? hypomanic?,,, anyway enough for now,,, ttyl,,,


13 thoughts on “Diane ~ intro to my tortured mind

  1. Your life sounds a lot like mine although I wasn’t dx until I was about 30 and had a breakdown for the first time to make it serious enough for anyone to really notice something was wrong. I exercised those smile muscles a lot.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I was Dxd by family doctor, but after failed treatment of atarax & amytriptiline I wasn’t further treated until I addressed the issue/attempted suicide in my 30’s (my parents weren’t too blaim, it was 1976 at initial Dx & childhood depression wasn’t really addressed/treated) I self mediated significantly with alcohol, weed, coke, etc,,

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  3. I’ve had anti depressants cause manic episodes in spite of a mood stabilizer. That’s why my docs are sooo conservative in prescribing anti deps. But if I am depressed more than manic, it’s a necessary evil. Just gotta find the right dose (not too low or high) that works in concert with the stabilizer.
    Prior to proper diagnosis, I was classified as dysthymic and given NOTHING but anti depressants. Needless to say, I was a manic mess because they triggered the episodes.

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    • I can take antidepressants (like you said in lower strength mgs) however my insurance f*¢|<Ed up, no mood stabilizers & *boom* mania for too long,,, grrr! (I'm sure I'm not telling you something you already didn't know. 🙂 )


  4. I am currently 6 months post part um with twins. I hit rock bottom. This is my new coping skill. I think my antidepressant needs changed. Any suggestions? I am thinking Prozac? Worked wonders before. I am on lithium & Klonopin but would like to get off the lithium.

    Liked by 1 person

    • First, I’m sorry to hear of your post partum (Imagine that’s your Dx?) You’re not nursing/breast feeding?? Make an appointment with your mental health provider & explain your situation, I can’t give you advice on meds, different people need different med cocktails, especially with hormonal changes, & since I don’t know you personally, be sure you have a friend/family member who knows of your depression & can see if you have a behavioral change & that your babies are safe (not in a possibility of being in harms way) I hope this helps some,,, & congrats on your new babies!! 🙂


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