MARCH 31 2015

THIS IN NO SHAPE OR FORM OF A SELF THROWN PITY PARTY, Nor do i want any pity, It’s just a realization. I was thinking recently & reading fellow bloggers posts. This made me think, yes LOL ~ I sometimes think, but try to do so as little as possible,,, Anyway, I’m hearing from/reading that others living with mental illness want their life back or they want to return to their lives prior to before their mental illness diagnosis.
I can’t really say that because I have no recollection of that time. I can remember back to when I was 2½ years old ~ yep, I can actually remember things from that long ago/I have a great memory. I know this is not per repeat stories from parents, as their memories are often different than my (emotional) memories.
Back to my original thoughts above. I can’t say I want my life back because even at age 2½ I suffered from SEVERE anxiety, separation anxiety, depression (at age 4½) & other symptoms of childhood bipolar (severe depression, night TERRORS, bed wetting, panic attacks, rapid talking/speech & precocious sexual actions/thoughts), HELL, I was even prescribed antidepressant & antianxiety meds (discontinued after I tried to jump out the 2nd story window), so basically I’ve never known normal.
To this day, I do not know how to be ‘normal’. I copied/copy how others around me act, I don’t have any real emotional connections (other than my Mom, daughter & grandson) but have good relationship’s with my siblings. I feel numb/inhuman. I feel like people are just being nice to me. So I really don’t want my life back, because I have no life to return to…

WORLD BIPOLAR DAY

I’m laughing at myself because hmmm,,, I’m hoping I’m doing this correctly (never did this before & I don’t know how to link a person’s blog/site)

I was nominated for a Liebster award, Thank you Zoe ~ Volatile Stability for nominating me!!!
I have 11 questions to answer:

1. Favorite music or band?:
I listen to hard rock, hair bands, classic rock, & some metal (not extreme) I have to say my favorite band of all time is KISS
2. If could hop on a plane right now, where would I go on a vacation?:
Without question Australia/New Zealand!! My only worry ~ I wouldn’t want to leave, my ass is staying down there!!
3. What’s my favorite food/dish?:
I love fresh veggies, so I’m going to say salad (no olives!!!)
4. If I could be reincarnated what animal would I choose?:
I’ve said this for MANY years, a spoiled indoor kitty-kitty  >^•^< mew! ~ I would be lazy, sleep a lot, nice & comfortable all year long & I'm the 'boss' of the house ~ I OWN my people!
5. My ideal home?:
Hmmm,,, one with walls & doors ~ what!?! I'm a smartass!!  😉 LOL!
6. Last emoticon I used?:
I think a winking smiley face
7. Silliest joke??:
You had to ask me that, I can't think of one right now, but I make a joke out of everything ~ I'm a silly girlie!
8. Name three things that make me happy?:
a)My daughter & grandson, b) summer time ~ sunshine, flip flops, shorty shorts/mini skirts & spaghetti strap tops, c) my sister & me going out to see our local rock band friends/friends & dancing
9. Song that describes my mood right now?:
Can I play with madness (Iron Maiden) my mind is electric right now.
10. A book I'd never give up?:
The Bible
11. Color (s) that bring me peace?:
Pastel blues, green, yellow, lavender.
Again, thank you for the nomination Zoe Volatile Stability!!  🙂

This is a GREAT FREE mood tracking app available for android phones. It has very descriptive mood tracking, medication lists (including changes, (side effects), if you used elicit street drugs, alcohol, tobacco,, lifestyle (health, exercise) mood history & ability to print record (for health care provider),,,

wpid-screenshot_2015-03-24-15-03-36.pngThis is a GREAT FREE mood tracking APP for android phones available from Google Play. It has very descriptive mood tracking, medication lists (including med changes & side effects), section to record if you used alcohol, tabacco or illicit (street) drugs, lifestyle (exercise/health), mood history & ability to print record for your healthcare provider, etc,,, image

March 23 2015

I didn’t write yesterday due to ongoing insomnia (2½-3 hrs sleep nightly lately at MOST,,, WTF!?!) MY trazadone isn’t helping @ 50 mg spoke with Dr B’s nurse (Amy) regarding bumping up to 100 mg bedtime (I took100 mg in the past & it helped.) I also have moderate/severe nausea for 2 hrs after my morning meds ~ I hate nausea with a passion (as we all do). I’m hoping, which I think it is, temporary, as it was in the past. My mood seems to be slowly stabilizing some, I’m not as anxious & not feeling as ready to kill. We shall see how quickly my side effects decrease & hopefully my mood continues to stabilize (SOON please),,, although it’s hard, I’m trying to be positive.