Today ~ today I’m feeling a little better mood wise, still hypomanic, but lesser so – less intense, less paranoia, panic/anxiety,,, [Pdoc appointment friday, i have a very caring, understanding Pdoc!! (thank God!!)]. My lithium & lamictal seem to be building back up to therapeutic levels in my body (**back tracking ~ off from feb 15 – mar 3? due to insurance fu¢|< up &, **& I continued taking my antidepressant brintellix (& alprazolam),,,hmmm,,, hindsight ? antidepressant induced the hypomania??) Sooo, I know I definitely MUST remain on my meds for my health & my life, but with that said, taking them makes my mood affect/feeling 'flat', almost without emotion, I miss the super, up, I can do it all, happy happy (fuck happy) ELATED me!! But I can't exist/live in HELL & that is my existence without my medications ~ PURE. PUTRID. ROTTING. NONSTOP TORTURE!!