WHAT THE FUCK!?!
1) Smart water doesn’t work
2) I took a personality test and ummm,,, well it seems that none of them really like me much
4) Called “AA” by mistake, man, they can’t fucking change a tire for shit!
3) FUCK! I can’t count!
5) I don’t like cocaine, but I do
like it’s smell
R) Hmmm, wonder what moths did before the lightbulb was invented
7) SOULMATE /noun/: Soulmate
Satan puts soulmate in his coffee
8) I just saw a man eating ice cream & driving,,, FUCKING sundae drivers!!
9) Fact: Sex is hereditary, if your parents didn’t have it, you won’t have it either
10) How many mimes died because nobody believed they were actually choking?
11) 2:30AM, phone rings: “You sleeping?” *(me): “No ~ I’m FUCKING skydiving!”