Ugh,,, why can’t I get over this? Summer was half assed good to me, seriously, even with the irritable part of my hypomanic episodes. Goofing off being (fun) stupid. Felt good! Why am I staring down this scary, paranoid, depressive pit? I remember this bad, bad place. The place that especially 2010, 2011 & 2012 lived. The feeling’s been simmering for over a month, constant anxiety & terror. I shoulda known it was coming. And now, now,,, withdrawing, empty, worthless, no interest or drive in anything. Torment. && PARANOIA?!? ~ being watched, being avoided by anyone around me, talking about me,,, yes even friends on here. I feel like I did something very bad, like I’m evil. This isn’t new for me, it’s just been awhile since I’ve felt like this,,, shit doesn’t feel right in my head again. My mind scares me, really scares me.