SEPTEMBER 15, 2016 Not sick,  just (EXHAUSTED, DRAINED,) && tired

I’m tired, tired of feeling this way, beat, exhausted,  ready to put the other foot in the ground ( maybe, not yet),

For the better part of my life 46 years. I’m mean shit I was 2 years old when I wondered why God made me live.  2 years old & wanting to die. I know what that meant: there’s no breathing, they put you deep in the dirt & you don’t ever come back, ever!  an seriously enticing , drawing thought. 

Bipolar and PB tendaces ALL. MY,. LIFE? Are you fucking kidding???? no, I’M NOT!!! {{{PLEASE -NO Pity PARTY WANTED}}} just purging  little ass & pea brain.

Suicide attempts (several almost successful.  Dammit! Since 6 years old. (Yes 6 years old I was gonna jump off my 2 story roof but my mom grabbed me. WHY?!? Multiple times later, multiple **NECKLESS SWINGS**  former’cutter’ 6 times 3½in long, down to muscle,  17 sutures on average. Cig burner times 21. All on left arm. Psyche wards don’t help. NOPE! No they don’t!

&& I’m TIRED, TIRED OF THE PHYSICAL energy. Much as I’m cleaning, pacing, sex, picking arguments, irritating as fucking  BS. Hating myself & the world that  lied  & that decived me & put me here. Weed & alcohol cleanse my FUCKED up palate. Again. Anything to not feel BUT NOT FEEL starts to make me feel a little better for awhille

I’M STILL stuck & sick times 46 GODDAMMOTHERFUKING years.

Really? Seriously? ! WTF ~ I GUESS!      *** HELP ME GET AWAY FROM ME/MYSELF ***  Of BEING here!!!

 *This is my truth & my testimment as I write it,   dianetharp70 


15 thoughts on “SEPTEMBER 15, 2016 Not sick,  just (EXHAUSTED, DRAINED,) && tired

  1. I *liked* this post to let you know I read it and I relate, NOT because I have any use for the misinformation your brain is sending. Seriously…LOVE LOVE LOVE you. Your scumbag brain sending the bad messages needs to go away. WE love you. Your TRIBE loves you. Let that count for something, please???

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Oi! What am I, chopped liver?!

    I’m praying for you to feel a world’s worth of peace. And rock and roll. But if Sass stops by your brain, let her in, she rocks. She’ll kick that shit right on out and leave it cleaned, pressed, freshened and decorated with flowers and pretty curtains and like that. If only she made house calls. And Morgueticia has the z-whacker on standby to knock anyone left up there out and shove their zombie corpses out with her bulldozer. Yeah, I guess, comparatively speaking, I’m chopped liver. Shit. Maybe you’ll just let me hang out and be a friend, it’s probably the best I have to offer.

    I love you and I’m praying for you anyway.


    Liked by 1 person

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