OCTOBER 21, 2016 (Repost)

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SEPTEMBER 15, 2016 Not sick,  just (EXHAUSTED, DRAINED,) && tired

I’m tired, tired of feeling this way, beat, exhausted,  ready to put the other foot in the ground ( maybe, not yet),

For the better part of my life 46 years. I’m mean shit I was 2 years old when I wondered why God made me live.  2 years old & wanting to die. I know what that meant: there’s no breathing, they put you deep in the dirt & you don’t ever come back, ever!  an seriously enticing , drawing thought. 

Bipolar and PB tendaces ALL. MY,. LIFE? Are you fucking kidding???? no, I’M NOT!!! {{{PLEASE -NO Pity PARTY WANTED}}} just purging  little ass & pea brain.

Suicide attempts (several almost successful.  Dammit! Since 6 years old. (Yes 6 years old I was gonna jump off my 2 story roof but my mom grabbed me. WHY?!? Multiple times later, multiple **NECKLESS SWINGS**  former’cutter’ 6 times 3½in long, down to muscle,  17 sutures on average. Cig burner times 21. All on left arm. Psyche wards don’t help. NOPE! No they don’t!

&& I’m TIRED, TIRED OF THE PHYSICAL energy. Much as I’m cleaning, pacing, sex, picking arguments, irritating as fucking  BS. Hating myself & the world that  lied  & that decived me & put me here. Weed & alcohol cleanse my FUCKED up palate. Again. Anything to not feel BUT NOT FEEL starts to make me feel a little better for awhille

I’M STILL stuck & sick times 46 GODDAMMOTHERFUKING years.

Really? Seriously? ! WTF ~ I GUESS!      *** HELP ME GET AWAY FROM ME/MYSELF ***  Of BEING here!!!

 *This is my truth & my testimment as I write it,  Dianetharp70@gmail.com   dianetharp70 

WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 7, 2016

My post today is to remember Blahpolar (Blah). Her tortured soul left us but now she is free, finally at peace. It hurts me, I’m tearing up as I write this. I wish there was something I could’ve done. Hell we all feel this way, but the truth is there was nothing we or Blah could do. She endured & taken it to the limit & beyond in her suffering (as many of us do)

Even though I never met her in person, she made us feel as though we had. A beautiful soul extinguished too soon. 

The pain she (& we) face daily is often unbearable. People would literally crumble if they traded places for one day.

So as I mourn Blah’s passing, I know she’s tried all she could & she’s now in a better place.She had 2 gazillion friends on Word Press, (well that’s what the dragon said).Blah has finally found her peace.  Rest easy my friend. You will be eternally missed. Good bye Blah. 

THURSDAY MAY 12, 2016

TODAY 46 years ago I escaped captivity from my Momma’s person.  Ummm, ,, in other words ~ it’s my birthday. Hahaha, lol.  Buttt,,, seriously ~ I’m still breathing & on up side of the dirt. *My family’s cool, we rock & love each other’s dysfunctionality

ANYWAY HERE I ARE!  (ya’ll know, even though I’m not”RIGHT” & certainty not OK) *HINT: Te ~ rarded!
   I love most ya!

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SNARCASM::: MY SPECIALTY!!!
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THIS IS THE BOOM! Birthday present from me, to me. EXCEEDED MY EXPECTATIONS (S/O to Gama, artist at Beautiful Sin Tattoos, Lancaster, PA)

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Yep, remember, you saw me here. Oh, if ya get our story right, there’s a little something in it for ya, ,,
*Otherwise I have access to duck/duct tape, a shovel & chloroform.

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See whatcha got into being my friend {did you know I’m your friend (stalker?)}

Diane {& to some ~ £0¥€ ya!}

MAY 10, 2016 BOOM! !!

Early birthday present from me ~> to me. I’ve wanted a semi•colon for along time but didn’t want the mainstream ‘cliché’ type.  This made total sense & I added the birdy to signify my freedom for finally escaping my pattern of self harm/destruction. I’m not perfect or even OK,  But I’m NOT FINISHED! !!

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MAY 4, 2016. Just imagine the surprising reaction if this commercial showed the same compassion but instead for mental illness Watch “S.E. Perry – Merck TV Commercial “Night # 14 with Shingles”” on YouTube

THAT IS ALL,,,

FEBRUARY 8 2016

ME EXPLAINING WHY I DON’T SOCIALIZE DUE TO MENTAL ILLNESS (For those that are too ______ to understand FIGURE IT OUT)

ME: UMMM, YOU KNOW I HAVE CROHN’S , SO YOU UNDERSTAND SOMETIMES I NEED TO FIND A BATHROOM QUICK & IF I’M OUT & ABOUT I GET ANXIOUS
*FRIEND: DUDE, THAT’S COOL, MAYBE NEXT TIME ~

ME: OMG, I REALLY WANNA HANG, BUT MY R ARTHRITIS IS BAD, I CAN’T GET OUTTA BED. I REALLY HURT!
*FRIEND: FUCK! I’M SORRY, THAT SUX! REALLY, WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO. I KNOW THAT’S PAINFUL,,,

ME: I REALLY WANNA HANG BUT,,, I HAVE MY KIDS THIS WEEKEND.
*FRIEND: OOOH FUCK, YOU CAN’T GET A SITTER? HEY CHICKA, THAT HAPPENED TO ME LAST WEEK. MAYBE NEXT WEEK, I’LL CALL YA; WE GOTTA GET TOGETHER SOOOOOON!!

ME: I REALLY WANNA DO THIS WEEKEND BUT MY MEDS ARE FUCKIN UP MY BELLY, CAN’T DRINK, I’M BROKE. I REALLY HATE BEING IN CROWDS (BUT ONCE I GOT A COUPLE IN ME I’M COOL ÁS FUCK!) LIFE OF THE PARTY!!!! I’M I’M I’M (MAKING EXCUSES), I CAN’T COME OUT TONIGHT
*(?) FRIEND: OK, THAT’S COOL. WHATEVER,,,
**NEVER HEAR FROM THAT/ THOSE“FRIEND(S)” AGAIN****
FUCK Y’ALLimage

!!!

FEBRUARY 7 2016 BLACK Pt. 1

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JANUARY 3 2016

THANK YOU. DON’T ASK, YOU DON’T CARE WANT TO KNOW.
DON’T FUCKIN’ LOOK AT ME WITH YOUR JUDGMENTAL MIND. I DON’T NEED YOUR GOD D@#π€D BULLSHIT!!!

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DECEMBER 20 2015

Dear Christopher Robin. Can i tell you sompin? I totally understand your delusions. Fucking Owl is paranoid, Piglet’s got separation anxiety, Roo’s got postpartum psychosis, I’m not real. You got friends (right!?). You can’t hold onto friends or keep them if you’re depressed/anxious, etc,,, Forget that shit cause I’m just fighting to WANNA stay alive! You see, i hate being here, tried lots of ways to get out, won’t be my last i ~ ooh, guarantee that! cause people only wanna be around you if you make them happy/laugh/have fun or make them forget their problems. How can I compete if I can’t do that shit for myself?? For real what the fuck do I do?? Sometimes I’m fucking Tigger raising all kinds of hell ~ and sometimes I’m Eeyore living in the flames of hell! These fuckin people have nooo motherfuckin idea do they Chris?! Well I’ll see ya in the coloring books, K?