SEPTEMBER 38,  20,164,4287.91

​so just let friends, others beware of this. Some are clueless.

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SEPTEMBER 15, 2016 Not sick,  just (EXHAUSTED, DRAINED,) && tired

I’m tired, tired of feeling this way, beat, exhausted,  ready to put the other foot in the ground ( maybe, not yet),

For the better part of my life 46 years. I’m mean shit I was 2 years old when I wondered why God made me live.  2 years old & wanting to die. I know what that meant: there’s no breathing, they put you deep in the dirt & you don’t ever come back, ever!  an seriously enticing , drawing thought. 

Bipolar and PB tendaces ALL. MY,. LIFE? Are you fucking kidding???? no, I’M NOT!!! {{{PLEASE -NO Pity PARTY WANTED}}} just purging  little ass & pea brain.

Suicide attempts (several almost successful.  Dammit! Since 6 years old. (Yes 6 years old I was gonna jump off my 2 story roof but my mom grabbed me. WHY?!? Multiple times later, multiple **NECKLESS SWINGS**  former’cutter’ 6 times 3½in long, down to muscle,  17 sutures on average. Cig burner times 21. All on left arm. Psyche wards don’t help. NOPE! No they don’t!

&& I’m TIRED, TIRED OF THE PHYSICAL energy. Much as I’m cleaning, pacing, sex, picking arguments, irritating as fucking  BS. Hating myself & the world that  lied  & that decived me & put me here. Weed & alcohol cleanse my FUCKED up palate. Again. Anything to not feel BUT NOT FEEL starts to make me feel a little better for awhille

I’M STILL stuck & sick times 46 GODDAMMOTHERFUKING years.

Really? Seriously? ! WTF ~ I GUESS!      *** HELP ME GET AWAY FROM ME/MYSELF ***  Of BEING here!!!

 *This is my truth & my testimment as I write it,  Dianetharp70@gmail.com   dianetharp70 

JUNE 14 2016 YEP!!!

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THURSDAY MAY 12, 2016

TODAY 46 years ago I escaped captivity from my Momma’s person.  Ummm, ,, in other words ~ it’s my birthday. Hahaha, lol.  Buttt,,, seriously ~ I’m still breathing & on up side of the dirt. *My family’s cool, we rock & love each other’s dysfunctionality

ANYWAY HERE I ARE!  (ya’ll know, even though I’m not”RIGHT” & certainty not OK) *HINT: Te ~ rarded!
   I love most ya!

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SNARCASM::: MY SPECIALTY!!!
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THIS IS THE BOOM! Birthday present from me, to me. EXCEEDED MY EXPECTATIONS (S/O to Gama, artist at Beautiful Sin Tattoos, Lancaster, PA)

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Yep, remember, you saw me here. Oh, if ya get our story right, there’s a little something in it for ya, ,,
*Otherwise I have access to duck/duct tape, a shovel & chloroform.

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See whatcha got into being my friend {did you know I’m your friend (stalker?)}

Diane {& to some ~ £0¥€ ya!}

FEBRUARY 8 2016

ME EXPLAINING WHY I DON’T SOCIALIZE DUE TO MENTAL ILLNESS (For those that are too ______ to understand FIGURE IT OUT)

ME: UMMM, YOU KNOW I HAVE CROHN’S , SO YOU UNDERSTAND SOMETIMES I NEED TO FIND A BATHROOM QUICK & IF I’M OUT & ABOUT I GET ANXIOUS
*FRIEND: DUDE, THAT’S COOL, MAYBE NEXT TIME ~

ME: OMG, I REALLY WANNA HANG, BUT MY R ARTHRITIS IS BAD, I CAN’T GET OUTTA BED. I REALLY HURT!
*FRIEND: FUCK! I’M SORRY, THAT SUX! REALLY, WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO. I KNOW THAT’S PAINFUL,,,

ME: I REALLY WANNA HANG BUT,,, I HAVE MY KIDS THIS WEEKEND.
*FRIEND: OOOH FUCK, YOU CAN’T GET A SITTER? HEY CHICKA, THAT HAPPENED TO ME LAST WEEK. MAYBE NEXT WEEK, I’LL CALL YA; WE GOTTA GET TOGETHER SOOOOOON!!

ME: I REALLY WANNA DO THIS WEEKEND BUT MY MEDS ARE FUCKIN UP MY BELLY, CAN’T DRINK, I’M BROKE. I REALLY HATE BEING IN CROWDS (BUT ONCE I GOT A COUPLE IN ME I’M COOL ÁS FUCK!) LIFE OF THE PARTY!!!! I’M I’M I’M (MAKING EXCUSES), I CAN’T COME OUT TONIGHT
*(?) FRIEND: OK, THAT’S COOL. WHATEVER,,,
**NEVER HEAR FROM THAT/ THOSE“FRIEND(S)” AGAIN****
FUCK Y’ALLimage

!!!

FEBRUARY 7 2016 BLACK Pt. 1

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JANUARY 15 2016

BEWARE THE WORDS WE SAY TO OUR CHILDREN. THESE WORDS HAVE INCREDIBLE CONSEQUENCES. LEAVING LIFELONG & IRREPARABLE SCARS,,,

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JANUARY 1 2016 *****

When I was with you, you lied to me – out of (pretentious) love, you made me tell a lie to myself. You made me lie to me, the demon I really am. I am an ugly soul & for a while, I actually thought I was pretty. I played the part. Fuck, I played it so well, not only did I fool the fools ~ I played your ass solid! But I am not a beautiful nor clean soul. Boney hands, boney fingers, an ugly smile lurk within. You looked into my mirror. You sneaked when I said do not. You stole my trust, the evil I tried to shield you & MYSELF from. Now it’s awful, it’s all gotta be torn to the core. It can not be undone. Can not be made anew. Look if you can, at yourself before you say this isn’t true. The mirror’s still here just SHATTERED, my beautiful sisters are still here n I’m still hideous no matter what you say, you see ~ the mirror lies, my cold soul dies ~ all crashed down forever undone,,,