OCTOBER 21, 2016 (Repost)

OCTOBER 1, 2016

HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS, ,,

OCTOBER 1, 2016

The mania has worn from my being. The only thing left is my desolate soul. Seasonal depression takes it’s hold of my mind,,,


SEPTEMBER 15, 2016 Not sick,  just (EXHAUSTED, DRAINED,) && tired

I’m tired, tired of feeling this way, beat, exhausted,  ready to put the other foot in the ground ( maybe, not yet),

For the better part of my life 46 years. I’m mean shit I was 2 years old when I wondered why God made me live.  2 years old & wanting to die. I know what that meant: there’s no breathing, they put you deep in the dirt & you don’t ever come back, ever!  an seriously enticing , drawing thought. 

Bipolar and PB tendaces ALL. MY,. LIFE? Are you fucking kidding???? no, I’M NOT!!! {{{PLEASE -NO Pity PARTY WANTED}}} just purging  little ass & pea brain.

Suicide attempts (several almost successful.  Dammit! Since 6 years old. (Yes 6 years old I was gonna jump off my 2 story roof but my mom grabbed me. WHY?!? Multiple times later, multiple **NECKLESS SWINGS**  former’cutter’ 6 times 3½in long, down to muscle,  17 sutures on average. Cig burner times 21. All on left arm. Psyche wards don’t help. NOPE! No they don’t!

&& I’m TIRED, TIRED OF THE PHYSICAL energy. Much as I’m cleaning, pacing, sex, picking arguments, irritating as fucking  BS. Hating myself & the world that  lied  & that decived me & put me here. Weed & alcohol cleanse my FUCKED up palate. Again. Anything to not feel BUT NOT FEEL starts to make me feel a little better for awhille

I’M STILL stuck & sick times 46 GODDAMMOTHERFUKING years.

Really? Seriously? ! WTF ~ I GUESS!      *** HELP ME GET AWAY FROM ME/MYSELF ***  Of BEING here!!!

 *This is my truth & my testimment as I write it,  Dianetharp70@gmail.com   dianetharp70 

WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 7, 2016

My post today is to remember Blahpolar (Blah). Her tortured soul left us but now she is free, finally at peace. It hurts me, I’m tearing up as I write this. I wish there was something I could’ve done. Hell we all feel this way, but the truth is there was nothing we or Blah could do. She endured & taken it to the limit & beyond in her suffering (as many of us do)

Even though I never met her in person, she made us feel as though we had. A beautiful soul extinguished too soon. 

The pain she (& we) face daily is often unbearable. People would literally crumble if they traded places for one day.

So as I mourn Blah’s passing, I know she’s tried all she could & she’s now in a better place.She had 2 gazillion friends on Word Press, (well that’s what the dragon said).Blah has finally found her peace.  Rest easy my friend. You will be eternally missed. Good bye Blah. 

SEPTEMBER 7,2016

Heartbreaking, losing two of our friends, our TRIBE. No words, just pure sadness. Miss you both, you will never leave our hearts. May you finally find your much needed peace,,,,

JUNE 14 2016 YEP!!!

image

JUNE 10, 2016 IT’S A SLIPPERY F*CKKING SLOPE

Did you ever feel like you’re standing on a ledge wishing you’d go one way or the other, kinda debating slipping forward isn’t such a bad thing ,,, so just to be sure, you look down to be sure you’re high enough, but you’re not too high to fly,,??? *Now I got this fucking semicolon tat on my wrist, I look at it & what do I do? I have 5 pretty tats, I wanna leave a pretty mess. Im a pretty little mess,,,
Should I,,,
***GET A NEW FUCKING TATTOO! !!
shhh ~ you got a better idea? ??
image

High Functioning Depression: We Can’t Overlook the Overachievers | The Mighty

http://themighty.com/2016/05/high-functioning-depression-we-cant-overlook-the-overachievers/

JUNE 4 2016 ‘A CRY FOR HELP’

image